I Surrender All?...

Why why why??? Why do I always get writers block as soon as I have a great idea for my blog? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm a little preoccupied at the moment. I have a very important spanish exam tomorrow and I should probably be studying for, but thats the problem. I have studied sooo much the past week for this exam my mind needs a break! also there have been so many things on my heart I can't just sit back and not voice at least one of them. and as anyone reading this who really knows me, you understand that I am not the quiet type, I do the things you are told not to do in polite company, I have no problem addressing religion, or bringing up politics and arguing about what i believe to be right. It just doesn't bother me, so when so many things that need/ I want to be addressed are on my mind, the last thing I want to do is tell you in spanish what color my backpack is.

One thing that has been on my mind the pass few days is a hymn, it's called "I Surrender All".
here are some of the lyrics...

I surrender all, I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender;
humbly at his feet I bow,
worldly pleasures all forsaken;
take me, Jesus, take me now.

Ok so I realize whoever wrote this song probably either was at a very good point in their relationship with God that they truly were surrendering their all or they wrote it hopes of getting there, but for me, I have such a hard time singing this.
Because I can assure you, I do NOT surrender all. Everyday I sit there giving God this and that, but those things that I really value, those friendships or grades, nope God those are mine, cause I'm just not sure I trust you to give me what I want when I want it. Which in some ways is a realistic view ( I didn't say correct), God probably won't give me what I want, when I want it, but is that reason to not surrender all? absolutely not, God is giving me those things in his timing because that is what's best for me and because he loves me enough to be patient with me in my stubbornness until I finally turn to him.
So maybe God is challenging me now to be in such a compete surrender to him that I can sing that song and not feel like a fake and a liar.
A song I do like in replacement of that one for now is this...

Take me past the outer courts
Into the secret place,
Past the brazen altar,
Lord, I want to see Your face.
Pass me by the crowds of people,
The priests who sing Your praise;
I hunger and thirst for Your righteousness
And it’s only found in one place.

Take me in to the Holy of Holies,
Take me in by the blood of the Lamb;
Take me in to the Holy of Holies,
Take the coal, cleanse my lips,
Here I am.
Take the coal, cleanse my lips,
Here I am.

I love this song because unlike I surrender all, I don't feel like I have to already be there. This song to me is a begging to God to help us surrender, to not care for the things of this world, or what the crowds think, but to surrender our everything in the hope of becoming more like God, longing for HIS righteousness, not our own. It's the surrender of everything we are to be made clean by Christ's blood.

Just something to think about, are we fooling ourselves, thinking, we've made it! We have completely surrendered to God? Or are we allowing God to change us through a daily surrender to him?

Also one totally irrelevant thought I thought I would share was this, when I was re reading to make sure this made at least a little sense I thought of this. I had a friend tell me once, think about this.

Every other religion is based off what you do to earn your salvation, next life, karma etc... your good works, your kindness, you humble living circumstances and trying to reach the gods or your next life, but Christianity is the only religion where God reaches down to us while we are turning away from him, it's the only religion where "admitting you have a problem" -and confessing it and acknowledging your need and that you believe that your need is met through Jesus blood-is what saves you, not anything you do, but what God has already done for you.
Just something to think about.

Well now I really really really need to get back to studying. But maybe a different attitude, with one of trying to use the abilities that God has given me to the best I can, not trying to get a good grade so it reflects well back to me.

I hope this encourages you to not feel like we have to have it all together, but rather to remember that His power is made perfect in our weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:9- But he said to me, “My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.